Phoenix Wright Gets Hit in the Nuts
by Sparkers16
Summary: Apollo is not happy to learn that lawyers have to do paperwork. So he kicks Phoenix in the nuts. I'm sorry I wrote this.


**_I'm sorry I wrote this. It's actually based on a dream I had. XD Enjoy!_**

Phoenix Wright whistled a happy tune as he walked through the cluttered Wright Anything Agency, stacks of files in his arms. He found his way to his desk and set down the large stack of papers on the brown plastic desk (which he pretended was mahogany) with a satisfying _thump._ It was time to practice the sacred art known as...paperwork.

_Pen? Check,_ Phoenix thought, whipping out his plastic pen he bought at Target for ten cents (which he pretended was an expensive fountain pen).

_Good lighting? Check._

_Patience? Check._

_Hair still spiky? Ahoge still defying gravity? Check, _Phoenix thought, glancing in a hand-mirror he pulled from hammer-space.

"Hey, Mr. Wright!" Someone walked into the room, and Phoenix quickly put the mirror back into hammer-space.

"Oh, hey...uh...what was your name again?" Phoenix asked.

The wimpy side character nobody likes face-palmed. "It's Apollo Justice. Are you really so narcissistic that you forgot my name?"

"I have a lot of people working under me," Phoenix said defensively. "I can't be bothered to remember everyone's name."

"ONLY TWO PEOPLE WORK UNDER YOU!" Apollo yelled, his Chords of Steel rupturing everybody's eardrums.

"Okay, I'll try harder next time," Phoenix said. "Now, if you excuse me, I have some very important work to do."

"What are you doing?" Apollo asked, his curiosity peaked.

"Paperwork," Phoenix answered. "It's for a case I'm going to be defending."

"P-paperwork...?" Apollo repeated incredulously.

"Uh, yeah. That's what lawyers have to do, you know."

"No..." Apollo breathed. "...NO! LAWYERS DON'T DO PAPERWORK! WE INVESTIGATE AND YELL NONSENSE AND POINT OUR FINGERS!"

Phoenix's eyes widened. After a second, he burst out laughing. "Wow...you really didn't know that lawyers do paperwork? I have no idea how someone could be so ignorant."

Apollo started crying.

"There, there, uh...Red Attorney," Phoenix tried to comfort him. "I'll teach you how to do paperwork! Here, you can help me with these files. They're for-"

"I WILL NEVER DO PAPERWORK!" Apollo screamed as anger boiled inside of him. All his life, all his dreams were a lie. He was so infuriated that he needed to kick something. So he kicked Phoenix Wright in the nuts.

Phoenix gasped in pain and sunk to the ground, clutching his nuts. "Crap! I-I'm sorry, Mr. Wright!" Apollo apollogized frantically.

It just so happened that Trucy and Athena were walking by, talking about something that nobody cares about. They quickly spotted Apollo standing over a fallen Phoenix.

"Apollo!" Athena shouted, she and Trucy running over. "What happened to Mr. Wright?!"

"I...I kicked him in the nuts, and he fell over," Apollo said. "I think he's okay, though..."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Athena shrieked. "Why would you kick his nuts, Apollo?!"

"I-I didn't realize it was such a big deal..."

"Of course it's a big deal!" Trucy growled. "Polly, don't you know that a man's nuts are the thing most important to him?!"

"Um, actually, it's not his nuts," Apollo tried to explain. "It's his-"

"Apollo! Not in front of a young girl!" Athena stopped him.

"Oh, no...will we have to take Daddy to the hospital? We'll have to get him new nuts!" Trucy panicked. "How much do they cost?"

"Trucy, he's fine," Apollo rolled his eyes. "He's just being melodramatic."

"If you say so..." Trucy frowned.

So the three of them sat down to play a game of Jenga. But after a while, the sound of sirens wailing pierced through the air.

"See?!" Trucy jumped up. "They're going to take Daddy to the hospital!"

"Let me take a look," Apollo sighed. He stood up and looked out the window of the Wright Anything Agency. There weren't any ambulances outside...but there were police cars and policemen holding guns.

"There he is!" one of the policemen shouted gruffly, seeing Apollo poking his head out the window.

"Wh-what's going on?!" Apollo cried.

"You're under arrest, pal!" another policeman (guess who) shouted. "Come down with your hands up, or we'll shoot ya!"

"No! I didn't do anything!" Apollo protested.

"We warned you!" One of the policemen aimed his gun at Apollo. He screamed and ducked, and managed to miss being hit. But the bullet soared through the window and hit the Jenga tower, causing it to fly apart.

"NO! I WAS ABOUT TO WIN!" Athena sobbed.

"You guys! What the hell is going on?" Apollo asked.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Trucy cocked her head. "Polly, you're a murder suspect. You supposedly shot a man a few days ago."

"Then why don't I remember any of that?!"

"You were drunk."

"Oh."

"But Daddy said he had decisive evidence you weren't the killer," Trucy frowned. "Why are they still arresting you?"

"Wait, I remember," Athena butted in. "Boss said that he had to file some paperwork releasing you from the murder charges."

"Paperwork...?" Apollo repeated, before it dawned on him. "OH SHIT!"

"Apollo! Language!"

Apollo ran over to Phoenix's desk and read the first paper of the stack. _Papers warranting the release of Apollo Justice. _

Apollo gulped and met the confused stares of the two girls. "Well...I guess I'll be going to prison now..."

"No shit, Sherlock," Trucy huffed.

"See, Apollo?" Athena said condescendingly. "Now you've taught Trucy a bad word!"

"I'm going to be put on trial for MURDER and all you care about is whether Trucy swears or not?!"

"Yeah, I guess so," Athena admitted. "I hope Mr. Wright will defend you, even after you kicked his nuts and everything..."

"I still don't see how it's such a big deal..."

"COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, JUSTICE!" The police force bellowed from outside.

"Aw, nuts," Apollo sighed.

"Want one?" Trucy asked, reaching into Phoenix's bowl of nuts and offering him an almond.

"Ew, no! I just kicked those nuts! I'm not going to eat them!"

"More for me, then!"

**_And so Apollo Justice was put on trial for murder. Phoenix refused to defend him, because Apollo ruined his expensive gourmet nuts. Apollo was found guilty and spent the rest of his life in jail._**

**_Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance, beauty, and value of paperwork._**

**_...Actually, screw that. Paperwork sucks._**


End file.
